Coaching Hearts

I was excited to go to my son's soccer training the other night, after missing for so long due to my own coaching commitments. Our son played for almost an entire year, last year, on a highly competitive soccer team and after enjoying a few months off, we're slowly easing back into the routine again, going through summer try-outs, training sessions and gearing up for another long soccer season. It's a great team of talented boys and wonderful families. Our enthusiastic coach, who I came to really appreciate and admire last season, is leaving to coach another team. We will miss his extremely loud vocals and enjoyable sideline entertainment. I don't think that he meant to be entertaining, but I always enjoyed watching him wring his hands and pace the sidelines as the boys played. I struggled with his yelling as the season began, as that is not my style, but as long as my son was not hurt or alarmed by any of it, I grew to accept his tone. As a former player and a strong Christian man, he has great passion for the sport and I appreciated the way he totally immersed himself in every moment on the field.  I also appreciated how hard he tried to keep his own competitiveness in check as he worked with the boys. For people with competitive drive, this is a process. 

The team's new soccer coach, whom I just got a glimpse of the other night, used to play professionally and is highly respected in the soccer world. He's extremely quiet - a stark contrast to the former coach, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. As a coach myself, I'm acutely aware of how those around you are quick to study and critique you, especially in the beginning - the magnifying glasses come out and everyone examines your every move. This doesn't bother me, but I'm familiar with the process. As a parent, I try to go into any season with every coach expecting a good experience. I try not to pass judgement and I try not to be critical of the coach's style. I think it takes a while for any coach to establish routine and respect from the players. It also takes some time for the coach to establish realistic goals for each player as they all come together in cohesion to form a team.  I'm a firm believer in team!

Anyone who coaches youth sports understands they also have to manage the parents. I've had mostly great parents over the years and always include them as part of "the team."  I have, on a couple occasions, had to have clear conversations about unrealistic demands of their child's playing time and position time at the expense of team - something I do not agree with. No child has the right to a position if it negatively impacts the team. Strong, opinionated parents can easily forget about "team" if you do not redirect them periodically. I think that I should save "parents of young athletes" for a future blog.

My goal, every time I coach, is teaching solid fundamentals while making a positive impact on each one of the kids. I realized, after several years of this, that I am going to get a few kids who have some natural athletic talent and a few more who don't. The goal, for me, is understanding these differences while bringing out the best in each player - encouraging the more-skilled and the less-skilled. I've had to learn that they need explanation and they need to understand things that are basic to me, but completely new to them. Fortunately, I've had the opportunity to coach some amazing teams. But, more importantly, I've had the opportunity to coach some amazing kids and I know that I've done my job when I have former players run over for a hug. Nothing warms my heart more than knowing I've had a small role as a positive influence in the life of a child and that they continue to play because our time together was a positive experience for them. 

I've found this same barometer with our kids as they each play sports. My kids are the very best gauge of how a coach is performing. If my child is learning, growing, having fun and wanting to play, I'm pretty confident that the coach is doing a fine job. This may not be true for everyone's kids as each child is guided differently, but for my kids this has been true. Every coach has their own style, philosophy and agenda. If my child is exhibiting signs of frustration or verbalizing negatives about the experience, I pay closer attention to the situation and talk with the coach about my concerns. We had just such an experience last fall and our daughter was left wounded, not wanting to play any more. That, truly, breaks my heart. No coach has the right to kill the spirit or crush the heart in any child. Period. It was during this horribly difficult fall ball season that I first came up with the "coaching hearts" idea and I even created an outline for a future book. I wished that I had actually written the book before school ball began so I could have offered a copy to our middle school coach and his two comrades. So many volunteer youth coaches go out there without a compass. Many are men coaching girls who have, obviously, never been in the shoes of young girls playing sports and fail to see things through their eyes. Most have never had any training. Some go out there to shelter, protect and promote their own child - at the expense of the other kids on the team. As a girl who grew up playing sports, I don't remember the scores or the records of teams that I played on over the years, but I do remember how each experience made me feel. Coaches who understand this simple truth are the ones who will positively impact the lives of the children they coach.

This season, I've had the opportunity to work alongside a coach and a parent who truly gets it. Coach Louie is amazing with the kids! He's a skilled former player, an experienced coach and manager who is able to push the kids to dig deep and succeed while keeping it fun, positive and totally team-based. I love it that he's a strong fundamentals coach who focuses on the basics, which is really what it's all about. He's loud, I'm not and it's the first time that I've been able to stand back and let someone else run practices, encourage morale and pump the team up during games. I've learned so much this season from him and it's been encouraging for me that we are on the same page in most, if not all, of our philosophies. It's been an honor for me to work with someone who's not only a great coach, but a great person.

So, I'm going into this new soccer season with the same philosophy I've always had. The coaches can do their jobs and I'm happy to sit back and watch my son bloom, grow and have fun. I love watching him play soccer, almost as much as he loves to play, and I'll trust that the coaches will do a great job with all the kids. As long as he's happy and learning, I'm quiet and thrilled to sit on the sidelines for a change. 

Comments

[CoachLou]

Thank you for the kind comments. I believe that coaching for me is a God given talent that I must foster. I also believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason, to that end I feel in my heart that you are meant to be a true light and encourager to those you meet. This season has been my most fun by far as I have been able to learn sooooo much of the other side of coaching, a loud THANK YOU for a job well done. There are two types of people in this world, those that are made better by someones presence and those that make us better by just being around. I consider you the latter. God Bless and we still have plenty of season left.

[S]

Thank you, Coach Lou! I believe you're right about your coaching talent being God given and I hope you continue with it - you're amazing. I'm glad you are enjoying the season. You've made it so enjoyable for me and for the girls. Wish you could coach all my kids! Love your ACE acronym - you, too, encourage and I so appreciate that. It's an honor to work with you and I'll be your biggest cheerleader when you apply for that high school job. See you out on the field...