Lessons...

I'm not sure how, exactly, to word this post. I wasn't going to write anything at all on the subject, but my husband asked me to "post it on the blog".  Having received some unwanted and unexpected medical news this week, he has struggled with whom to tell and whether or not to say anything at all. I suggested that he call his mom, in the least...he didn't want to. He hasn't said anything to anyone. Finally, he asked me to talk about it so that it might help others. 

First, a little background. My husband's philosophy on health and doctors is pretty much this: Don't ever go to the doctor by your own choosing (like for a routine check-up) and never go to the doctor unless someone drags you there. Furthermore, if you do end up at the doctor, never let anyone "stick you" with a needle. And, if the doctor says something that you don't like, disregard it and continue doing whatever you want.

This has been a real sore spot in our marriage and I have worked extremely hard to raise our kids with the opposite philosophy.  I have always made the doctor a "good guy" and have made every encounter positive. The same goes for the dentist. (My husband has the same dental philosophy.) Our kids are all amazing troopers when they go to doctors and dentists. They show up with smiles on their faces like they are going to the park, they thank the doctors and they do as they are told. Their spouses will thank me someday.

So, back to my husband, who hasn't been feeling extremely great lately - nothing that he could really identify, but just not himself.  Because he knows that I have some basic medical knowledge from college and that I believe in going to doctors when we think there is something wrong, he was careful not to share any of his symptoms with me. 

This past week, he and a coworker went to a DMV approved doctor in order to get a medical card which allows them to drive larger trucks/trailers. The doctor was to do a minor physical to look for abnormalities that might preclude them from safely obtaining the required DMV medical card.  He returned home from his visit and came in to eat dinner. I asked how his day was and he said it was fine.  Now, we've been married for 16 years and I can look at him and immediately identify when something isn't quite right. I knew without question that he was being evasive, so I let him have it. "You are trying not to tell me something and I want to know what it is." 

He looked at me startled, as if I read his mind. He paced around the table and handed me a yellow piece of paper. "Oh, it's nothing. He just said I should follow up with my regular doctor to have some blood work done. But, he passed me on the medical card and if there was anything really wrong with me, I would have failed. So, don't go and call the doctor. I'm fine." Immediately, I got on the phone and made an appointment for the following morning.  He would fast and go have his blood work run so we could get to the bottom of whatever doctor #1 wanted him to check out. I would drag him there.

We got the kids to school the next morning and drove across town to the office. Our regular doctor was on vacation, so they booked us with one of his colleagues, who asked us a million questions, had Wade's blood drawn and poked around Wade's body for a while before reporting his diagnosis - Wade has diabetes.

It's amazing all the things that rattle around inside your head when something like this happens. I think denial jumps up initially and lulls you back into your comfort zone....no, there must be a mistake. Other people have this happen to them. There are still lots of things, numbers, detailed blood work, etc. that we don't know and will get in a couple weeks, but the doctor is certain that Wade's blood sugar is much too high.  

Walking out of the office, Wade said what I expected him to say, "See, I was perfectly fine until I came to the doctor." 

In the few days since we've gotten the news, I've gone through many emotions. Denial, fear and anger were the first few. There's been silence between us as we sort through things alone and then we come together and discuss where we are.  I told him that I was mad at him and that surprised him. For all the years of our marriage, I have worked to get him to see the value in taking care of your body. He's long called me the Food Nazi because I don't believe in keeping junk food and other unhealthy food choices in the house.  I've also tried to get him to understand that exercise and lowering body weight is part of taking care of your body. Basically, I've been trying to impart wisdom on a man who grew up not understanding these truths and who continues to treat his body like Disneyland. At his last physical about six years ago, the doctor was very blunt in telling Wade that he needed to lose some weight. He suggested a few diet modifications, some good reading on the subject, etc. We walked out of the appointment and because Wade did not like what the doctor told him, he disregarded it despite my requests that he make some changes. The warning signs were there and so yes, I'm angry that they were not heeded.

And then there is fear. I know what diabetes is and what it means. It's a horrible disease and it's nothing any one would choose to have. I love my husband and I don't want his life to be cut short because of this disease. I also never want to see this happen to our children.

As we deal with all of this, I'm very proud of my husband's attitude and his determination to beat this. Many people learn they have diabetes and don't want to make the required changes - they just take the medication and keep living with their poor choices. Wade is on the complete opposite page. The doctor thinks we caught it early and in my research, there is evidence that with significant lifestyle changes with regard to diet and exercise, that this disease can be beaten. Wade's been very diligent in his food choices and has been to the gym every day (sometimes twice a day) since his diagnosis. He is determined to lose 20 pounds and get off the medication that he now needs to take two times a day. 

We are hopeful that along with these changes in diet and exercise, that the prayers of family and friends will also aid in his health. Sometimes God brings things to us to force us to grow, especially when we've been obstinate and disobedient. There is always good that comes from difficult circumstances and we are choosing to focus on the lessons that we are supposed to learn through this season of life. As we do with everything, we will do it together.

Comments

[KC]

We will be praying, and calling tomorrow.

[S]

Thank you - I know Wade would appreciate your call. And always, your prayers are appreciated!