The Joy

Before I begin my thoughts for the day, I should probably address the new blog format.  It really never occurs to me to change the style of my blog site.  But, a fellow blogger and friend changes his quite regularly... I guess I got the fever.  I wanted to return to the polka dot format that I had when I first began the journey, but when I got to the style page, it was gone. I'm not sure exactly how I ended up with this one, but the graph paper reminded me of my father, the engineer and I guess I liked the simplicity. If you have a complaint, let me know. I'm always open to suggestions. Enough said.

As I posted days ago, our sweet Buck suffered his second knee dislocation in about 16 months. As disappointing and painful as this past week has been for him, I've been really focusing on the joy. The doctor we saw on Tuesday suggested that Buck stay home from school for a couple days this week and referred us to another doctor, whom we don't get to see until the 16th. We went in this morning and he had his MRI, which will eventually tell us how bad the damage to his knee has been.  After the MRI, Wade left to go back to work while I took Buck out to a nice lunch before returning him to school.

Over the course of the last week, my emotions have run the gamut. I put on my brave face at the field the night it happened and then sobbed later, alone, as I took my shower. A mother's heart is a tender place, so protective of offspring, no matter the size or the age. As I sobbed in the shower that night, exhausted from the shock and hurt that my boy must endure, I'm ashamed to admit that I had a rather gruff conversation with God. I know He expected it from me, I come to him often like this...with hurts, disappointment and worldly disgust. No matter my mood when I engage the Almighty, He never fails to extend grace and healing to my brokenness. I know, because my road has been bumpy and broken, that He expects me to find the joy despite the pain. So I look. It's an intentional thing that I do. I take time in the middle of chaos to find the joy and it's amazing that I can always find it there.

This morning, as I washed the breakfast dishes in the house of loudness with six people pushing and rushing about to get out the door by 7, I found joy. Looking up from the sink, the swimming pool was rippling with large drops from the Heavens as the deck became freckled with water.  "Kids, look out there, in the middle of our 100 degree morning and see the rain from a sunny sky."

Colton jumped up from his breakfast and ran out to the patio. I stopped washing, so I could fully see the joy. His big blue eyes looked up at the rain and his little hand was extended to catch freckles. A smile washed over his precious face and he looked through the window at me..."Wow, mom, it is raining."  He skipped back in and showed me his wet little hand. "How can rain come down with so few clouds? It's amazing."  

I hunkered down and cuddled him close. "God is amazing and He brings us joy if only we pay attention and notice. We don't want to miss the joy."

As I've taken care of Buck this past week, he's been so gracious in receiving. I've had to shower him, lift him, elevate and ice him, help him use the restroom and every time I serve him, I find the joy. The joy of being this close to my sweet son, the joy of the extra time spent with him as he heals and the joy God is giving me by making me adjust to someone else's schedule instead of my own.

As we sat together at lunch today, Buck shared some of the things he thinks God is teaching him through this process. And as we talked, I explained that even in the midst of all the questions, the setbacks and the disappointment, he didn't want to ever miss the joy. He nodded, he agreed. I know that Buck will always remember the pain of this past week, but he too, will always remember the many small joys we've found along the way.